YouTube Onward Shift Debra Stanway

A Clinical Psychologist that we visited after Mark's accident made a very interesting comment.

A Clinical Psychologist that we visited after Mark's accident made a very interesting comment.

On seeing the distress being felt from telling and reliving trauma and negative experiences, he explained how he viewed trauma in our lives.

The analogy he used was a pond with settled mud on the bottom. Every time any progress was made from reliving the experience, it would act as a stick stirring the mud, unsettling it and recreating muddy water.

He explained, in his opinion, the start of emotional recovery would only begin once that stirring was stopped, allowing the pond to clear, effectively leaving it alone, not continually clouding the water.

This is an interesting opinion from a professional that does open the question ~ At what point does counselling and therapy become a hindrance to recovery as opposed to helping towards healing?

If we are reliving an event or feelings that hurt us so badly, are we compounding these feelings and keeping them at the forefront of our very being, embedding them deeper and deeper into who we are?

For some, structured revisitation of trauma, with the goal of recreating and resolving it is beneficial.

For others, excessive focus on the past might keep them tethered to pain, rather than encouraging resilience and moving forward.

The key may lie in understanding when further discussion is helpful for processing, and when it is time to move the focus on to rebuilding, re-engaging and creating positive life experiences.

It's an interesting debate, obviously every person is unique, but we have to move forward, and live and love our best lives ❤

The Devastating Impact of Unpaid Work: A Personal Story

In 2008 we undertook a timber frame erection project for a small timber frame company.

My better half, Mark, worked diligently, completing the project within the time frame. However, when he submitted the final invoice for £13000, the company refused to pay, citing a clause in the contract's small print requiring client sign-off on the kit.

Despite claims the design matched the client's drawings, a design dispute left the project unsigned and the payment withheld.

The financial and emotional toll was immense. With five children to support, this unexpected loss was devastating.

I personally wrote a heartfelt letter to the timber frame company explaining their dispute was not related to the erection and withholding payment was causing immense stress and hardship on our family. Mark had worked hard and to the design, it was not his dispute. (Always read the small print!)

I even suggested I would I would sit in their office with our children to expose the injustice to their clients.

Their response was cold and dismissive, claiming the issue was solely between Mark and the company, and had nothing to do with our family!

Lack of payment to small companies and sole traders is a huge issue. Families have to go without, children suffer hardship and the stress is difficult to bear.

Our story is a reminder of the need for ethical practices and humanity in the workplace.

Contracts must be clear and disputes settled fairly.

Behind every invoice is a family, a livelihood, and a human story.

We don't need to look far to understand the mental health crisis in the construction industry.

Respect, communication, fairness.

A year after this event, this timber frame company went into liquidation and started under a different name.

Christmas is a time of heightened emotions, reflections and expectations.

This time of year is very poignant to me.
My father passed away just before Christmas in 2013 and my mother passed away on 27th December 2017.

We often hear of the ripple effects of an accident in the workplace but sometimes they can be huge waves.

After Mark's life changing accident the weight of despair for both of us was incredibly heavy.

The vibrant man I once knew, had retreated into a shell of pain and hopelessness, expressing a desire to no longer be alive.

Watching him struggle through his darkness broke my heart, amplifying my own feelings of helplessness.

I turned to my mother hoping for comfort and emotional support, a kind word or gesture to let me know I wasn't alone in my heartache.

To my dismay, her response was cold and distant. She belonged to a generation that sometimes struggled to express and articulate their feelings, not able to show physical affection.

This inability to show care and understanding exacerbated my feelings of isolation.

With Mark battling his own demons and my mother seemingly turning away from any emotional connection, I felt trapped in my own storm of despair.

It became clear that to protect myself from the pain of my mother's indifference, I had to totally detach from her.

Cutting ties was a heartbreaking decision, but one I needed to make to preserve my own mental health.

Tragically, before we could bridge the gap that had grown between us, my mother passed away, leaving me with a whirlwind of unresolved feelings.

It was a bitter, cruel twist. My mother's absence amplified my sense of loss, the loss of her wonderful friendship and also the inability to repair our relationship.

I am sharing my personal story on LinkedIn to show the far reaching effects of an accident in the workplace. The way it alters paths for other people, sometimes lasting a lifetime.

My mother was a wonderful woman, loved by so many people. I have worked through my emotions and made peace over the years. I always remember her fondly, with gratitude, a warm heart and so much daughter's love ❤

Kindness

 We are always trying to treat others with kindness, but what about ourselves?

How do you treat yourself?

How do you speak to yourself?

Do you treat yourself with kindness?

Your inner dialogue, those words in your own head, are incredibly powerful.

Talking to ourselves kindly, showing compassion and understanding our imperfections can help us to move forward with a positive mindset and gratitude.

The narratives we tell ourselves shape our reality.

Our thoughts influence the way we hold ourselves, the way we talk, and the way we move.

Ultimately our body language sends out a message to the world loud and clear. It silently shows how we feel about ourselves before we've even said a word.

Take time to catch your thoughts and if you find yourself being self-critical or negative, take a moment to turn that around.

Remember how amazing you are, how you've helped someone or improved someone's day with little (or big) acts of kindness.

Be aware of your inner dialogue, and always be kind to yourself ❤

You are amazing 👏

A little overview of why I'm here 🙂👋

On Thursday July 2nd 2015 at approx. 10.45 am my world was shattered.

I received a phone call from Leominster Police. They informed me that Mark, my husband, had been involved in a workplace accident and had been airlifted to Derriford Hospital.

They had no further information to share.

The shock was overwhelming.

All I wanted was to see Mark, to hold him, and to hear that he would recover. However, Mark was over two hundred miles away, working away from home.

No-one should ever receive a phone call like that.

No-one should have to explain to their children why their father may not come home.

That day marked the beginning of an unimaginable journey filled with horror, despair, betrayal and a ripple effect of consequences that continue to this day.

I faced challenges I could never have imagined.

In the workplace, especially on construction sites, there must be a culture of competence, not complacency.

Site-specific Risk Assessments and Method Statements are essential, not generic RAMS.

Skilled workers must feel empowered to say, "This isn't safe", rather than finding ways to work around hazards to get the job done.

Employers have a duty to protect their workforce, ensuring that tradespeople are not pressured into taking shortcuts or unnecessary risks.

Mark often shared frustrations about financial challenges, such as delayed payments, which are unfortunately common for self-employed workers.
However he never spoke about the health and safety issues he faced.

He felt compelled to complete tasks either because he had invested a significant amount of time and resources, or to avoid exposing errors made by others, such as a Contracts Manager.

It is vital for our loved ones to feel they can openly discuss workplace safety concerns. By addressing these issues, we can help ensure they are not putting themselves at risk and they return home safely.

A single risk, if ignored, can lead to life-changing injuries or even death.

Our loved ones deserve better.

Your skills should be respected.
You should be respected.
Your safety should be respected.

Our skilled workforce deserve to work in environments where their safety is a priority.

With lived experience and a willingness to share our journey, I am driven by a passion for safety and a commitment to raising awareness.

My hope is to encourage open conversations between loved ones, fostering a culture where safety remains a priority and at the forefront at all times.

Sharing our story, I hope to develop proactive discussions that can help prevent similar tragedies and spare other families from enduring the pain we have faced.

With open conversations, and raising awareness, we must try and create a safer future.

Good morning LinkedIn 👋

Grab yourself a cuppa, and have a quick read of today's share (It's gentle, I promise).

When a family member suffers a life-changing accident in the workplace, it affects the entire family in profound ways that often go unacknowledged. It's a type of grief and adjustment that reshapes everyday life, altering relationships, routines, and future plans.

As much as the injured person's life is changed, so too are the lives of everyone who loves and supports them.

The immediate aftermath of the accident is consumed with fear, sadness, confusion and a lingering sense of disbelief.

You find yourself grappling with the shock of the incident and the long term implications it brings.

Everyday tasks and conversations now revolve around caregiving, recovery, or simply surviving from one day to the next.

There's a sudden change in how you view your loved one and your role in their life. You're needing to be strong for them, but you're also struggling to process your own emotions.

People may sometimes question why you're so vocal about what's happened, and while it's understandable, it's also necessary to remember that life-changing events affect everyone differently.

When a severe accident takes away your loved one's independence, physical abilities, and sense of self, it changes your life too.

Openly discussing how it affects you is not a selfish act - it's an honest response to an upheaval that requires a huge emotional and psychological adjustment.

Just as they now face a different life, so do you, and it's OK to express that truth.

Discussing how you're affected isn't just about sharing your own pain, it's about advocating for the changes that need to happen in workplaces to prevent similar accidents happening in the future. It's also for mental health support for families in these situations and it's for a broader understanding in society.

I choose to voice the harsh reality of living through it, because by sharing, I hope to raise awareness of how accidents affect families, and help others who may be facing similar challenges to feel less alone.

Hopefully this openness can help to bring us all support, understanding, awareness and ultimately healing ❤

Creating a caring construction community 💙

Good morning LinkedIn 🖐

 It's Wednesday, mid-week, and as good a day as any to share an important safety message.

I hope you never receive a phone call informing you that your loved one has had a serious accident in the workplace.

I hope you never have to break the news to your children that their dad will not be coming home, he's in hospital with serious injuries.

I hope you never have to watch your loved one suffer pain they can no longer endure.

I hope you never have to watch your loved one sink deeper and deeper to the darkest of places due to physical and emotional pain, betrayal, loss, mistrust and abandonment.

I hope you can find the time to watch this short video by Mark explaining the importance of health and safety on site.

I hope you choose to show this short video at the start of inductions on your site. (Please feel free to share)

With our lived experience and a passion for health and safety, we hope you make safe choices, review your work area, and return home to your loved ones safely ❤

Reflecting...

I caught part a black and white film at the weekend, probably from the 1950s.
The contrast between then and now was quite stark. It evoked a feeling of nostalgia (even though it was before my time!)
I mused over the social differences between then and now.
It was a time when Britain was being rebuilt after the war, the economy was booming, wages had increased and unemployment had been almost eradicated.
The nuclear family was encouraged. Everyone had their roles and the huge support of a community.
They were simpler times with simpler living and needs. Pre-internet, people were not watching the highlight reels of strangers. They were not bombarded with adverts telling them they needed the latest trends.
Most households lived with one income, and a budget with few luxuries, whilst most children were raised by family along with siblings, creating close bonds.

The local G.P. would know you and your entire family, understanding your medical history and family complexities. Not many of us are afforded this same level of personal attention in the 2020s

Over the decades life has become so much more complicated and messy.
People have to work harder and longer to keep afloat. Hard working families rely on food banks to feed their children.
We are bombarded with adverts, telling us what we should have, and we are subtly made to feel our appearance can always be improved.

Is it any wonder mental health issues are on the rise?

We are encouraged to talk openly about ill mental health, which is a good thing, but with ever increasing numbers of us having poor mental health, as a society, we must be getting something wrong!
Surely we should be tackling the root cause, and asking the question, why?

We were never meant to live how we are expected to live today.

Society should take a step back and look at the importance of human connection, family, and community. Hugs, laughter and tears shared together. The best times and the worst times felt with others, showing vulnerability, empathy and compassion for each other. Togetherness through the best and worst times. We should all feel accepted without judgement and be true to ourselves.

We should be able to enjoy the beauty of nature, fresh air and sunshine. We should have time to take pleasure in the things that make us feel alive and fill our hearts with joy.

Counsellors and therapists have their place, (and I applaud you) but friends, and real connection with people who know each other well can not be replicated. Never underestimate the value of a good listener and a good belly laugh 😃

Should society reset that work/life balance?

Is modern living progress?

I have such fond memories of visiting my own grandparents, playing the piano and card games, enjoying lots of conversation, laughter and tea 🍵

I know,

 I know, work is massively important, but to all you workaholics out there, don't forget to work hard, play hard. There's family and loved ones out there who want to see you too! All those autumn colours will be gone before you know it. Make time for some leaf catching and enjoying walks during this beautiful season 🍂🍁

Sharing our lived experience